Monday, March 17, 2014

Walk Away.....


It is March 17th.  And to me, this is a big milestone.  It marks the one year anniversary of my last day working in nightlife.

Early 2013, started with a lot of drama and stress culminating from a series of bad, reckless decisions.  I was in over my head and trying to go about my day as if everything was alright.  Instead of acknowledging that I was part of a duplicitous side-business, my ex was threatening my life and I had to miss a day of work, so I could install security cameras in my apartment.

I was scared and I was mad and I felt trapped.  So trapped.  I spoke with a friend and he said two magical words, "Walk away."  If you are around dangerous people and involved in a situation you no longer feel safe within, you can walk away.  Just peace out.  You do not owe people your life or your sanity.

I don't?

No, I don't.  And I made two phone calls and walked away from promises, from people and from a heap of anxiety. 

Once I made that choice, I realized that I truly wanted a path of wholeness, of being appreciated and a serious decrease in the drama swirling about me.

A huge factor of the drama was working for nightlife.  I had a boss who had a major drug problem, who I'd caught stealing twice and who tried to switch me to other venues.  He also tried to block clients from using hosts, would lie about sales totals to minimize commissions on big sales and was basically a greedy drug addict who felt he could get away with murder.  Having corporate know he was stealing, sleeping through shifts, dumping work on other managers and treating people according to the size of their bar tab and it not affecting his job security one bit, maybe his feelings of indestructibility had merit.  Along with him, I had a co-worker who would binge on drugs and alcohol and the mood swings from that were nearly unbearable.

The amount of lying, stealing, cheating and an all over failure to deliver a level of customer service that was equitable to the loyalty of our clientele, had me completely appalled.  I stayed because I loved what our venue brought and the happiness I derived from giving my clients their best memories of birthday parties, sporting events and corporate success parties.  However, giving others happiness tends to fall short as the company you work for denies proper compensation for your effort, your input and the proper credit for giving your all to others.

My last day, my manager did not announce my departure or arrange any type of well-wishes.  I had given two years of service and he didn't even bother mentioning me in the pre-shift.  And when an email was sent from my supervisor, including management, to prompt an acknowledgment and a possible thank went neglected.

I walked away.  And I was so angry that it meant nothing to them.  So angry and bitter that I wasn't valued.  After a year has gone by, I can see that I was never valued.  I was merely a vessel that could be put in one place or another and use my endearing nature to squeeze money from clients and build a fortune for a company who could replace me in a heartbeat. 

It was one of the worst "relationships" in my life.  One filled with lies, cheating, theft and alcohol and drug abuse that I had to suffer through.

And like any bad can choose to walk away.

And when you value yourself more than the ego that comes with your phone blowing up and red ropes being lifted for you...when your sanity and self esteem are priorities above having your own table and a bottle of low-level booze, walking away can include a skip, a hop and a jump into a better lifestyle.

A year later, I am getting married in 27 days.  I can easily be away from my phone for hours on end.  I haven't been to a club in a year....and I'm experiencing life, love and a brighter future.

Walk away from what's dragging you down, to free yourself to walk into something that lifts you up.