Monday, February 24, 2014

The Age of Passive Aggressive Dating

I'll admit it. I've totally done this.

I was dating a guy and he wasn't texting me back or returning my calls.  It had been 2 days and no sign of him.  So I told him off.....through Twitter.

"Different day same shit, ain't nothing good in the hood."
I'd run away from this bitch and never come back if I could."

My method of communication annihilation: rap lyrics.  Oh, if I was mad, I would tweet aggressive rap lyrics....passive aggressively.  And once I hit the send button, I felt elated.  I felt powerful.  I totally said what I wanted.  Once that doucher opened his twitter and saw my latest post, he would be shamed.  SHAMED!!!  He would know what a beast I am.  And that makes me a winner.

Many years later...and dozens of rap tweets past...I am quite aware that those quotes from The Game did not make me a winner.  In fact, looking back, I'm not even sure what I was attempting to express.  While posting it gave me a bit of self-gratification, what it did not do was communicate on any level nor make any suitor behave better.

I'm now in a wonderful relationship.  And when I'm upset with my guy, I sit him down and we talk about it.  It gets resolved.  Communication happens.

Adults should not be relying on texts to resolve an issue or on a tweet to express how wrong someone behaved.  I can accept that from a 16 year old, who is bumbling her way through her first boyfriend.  I will even pardon my post-divorce self, as I was re-entering the dating world. 

But at some point, possibly the point where you own a car, you should be able to own a conversation.  You have to relinquish the twitter and the instagram and grab onto the talk. 

And if a guy, or a girl for that matter, is not making themselves available to talk, the biggest response you can have is to move on.  If you truly don't have time for losers, you don't take the time to post a passive aggressive meme about it, you simply walk away.  Actions speak louder than pixelated words.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

I'm trying to help you, so let me insult you first...

I have recently seen posted and reposted an article telling girls to respect themselves and be cautious of what photos they post online.  Using carefully worded and thoughtful sentences, such as:
"Posing in a lace bra and G-string on Instagram doesn't give the perception that you a "lingerie model"... it makes you look cheap... like the only value you offer is your body."

The article further goes on to explain to the girls that Victoria's Secret models are REAL models.  Victoria's Secret models get paid to wear such outfits and, therefore, what they do is above and beyond what random girls on instagram are doing, which he equates to the lowly pandering of their "pink parts." That I find incredibly funny, as I have been told, by well-informed insiders, that the companionship of some of those Victoria's Secret models is sold more often than the lingerie they pose in. Yet, the blogger elevates them to embody the definition of a real model, basically, because he truly knows neither side of whom he is referring to.

Which brings me to the question, does the blogger actually know these instagramming girls?  Has he met them?  Is he truly trying to selflessly help them see their inner beauty by the condescending tone and belittlement he weaves throughout his paragraphs?  Or is he upset that his meme of the Dali Lama only received 12 likes, while a girl's faceless cleavage shot, #nofilter, received 1382?

I swear if my 16 year old niece ever posts something, which I feel is inappropriate, I would not be blasting the universe with an indirect, all-encompassing article that sprays vehemence like buckshot. I would be calling her mom and then my niece directly.

Attention Instagram "models" is a blog written by a man, for men and women who already agree with him.  I assure you, no girl posting photos of her bikini-clad body has stopped doing so based on this self-aggrandized blogger's infuriation about female body pics being posted online.

The author continues his sensitivity with:
"Any picture of a naked/half-naked woman will get LOTS of views online.  It doesn't make you special... it makes you an adult film star, but without the paycheck."

So not only has he told any girl with a body pic online that she isn't special, but she is also an unpaid sex worker.  Helpful, right?  Only if helpful arises from the combination of generalization mixed with judgmental nature being flung at you.  And one cannot ignore the constant stream of sexism throughout the entire piece as women are solely targeted.

Let's face it, society has moved away from the value of intimate social circles.  There is an increasing  importance placed on social media groups that involve people we will never ever meet. We can now have 1,000s of faceless screennames watch us, like us and follow us.  Social media has become the equivalent of a cyber-highschool where your ranking is based on the opinions of anyone who can access a wireless connection.  It's all just a popularity contest.  You either fall prey to it or you don't.

By writing the piece, the blogger has joined the attention-seeking masses he is criticizing.  His need to be liked and to gain favor has him sparking a discussion, which aligns himself to a group of haters who already exist, in an attempt to be the center of their attention.  Therefore, it is HE who is now liked.  HE who has his content blogged and reblogged.  His method was to take his anger, self-need and personal jealously out on a section of women he has never met.  He has shoved his spite and piety into a nice juicy metaphorical rack of its own.

He also tells these girls that they are:
"Giving peeks of [their] naked self away to random lurkers/stalkers/pedophiles, that's what."

To me, that falls into the threat of "you brought it on yourself."  The regressive mindset that if a girl is assaulted, she is probably encouraging it with a short skirt.  How dare she taunt, flaunt or enjoy baring her body?!  Men are around.  And if men see it, well, we can't control them can we?  Well, technically, the law attempts to and locks them up if they can't keep their hands to themselves...especially if seeing a girl in a bikini has them act like mindless beasts.  Is the blogger revealing his own poor ability to control his urges and asserting it onto the nature of men as a whole?  I would hope not.  I know many men who can handle the sight of the female form and be appreciative and respectful simultaneously.

The blogger drives the point that this is a self esteem issue, which to me is paradoxical.  Because if he had unwavering self esteem, then he would not have been affected by the instagram posting of strangers and how many likes they got.  He would have not felt a need to put these women in their place, so he could raise himself to a higher one.

To sum it up, this blogger comes off weak.  I find it very amusing that certain people aligned themselves with such a dull opinion over an obvious topic and, aside from me writing this, there has been zero affect by posting it.  I hope this blogger finds better things to do with his life than worry about a random girl, posting a random pic, which had nothing to do with him or how he believes people should behave.