I Like Thinking You Might be Miserable

Your ex found a new girlfriend...and she's hot

 

Your best friend is out on a night you are home....and having the time of her life.

 

 

Your sister makes more money than you...and has a great family.

 

And they are posting online ALL about it.  Big smiles!  Victory declared!  "Best-day-ever!" seems to be every day.  And you feel jealous, annoyed, disappointed that your life isn't as glittery and glamorous as their instagram/Twitter/Facebook feed suggest.  You block them.  You unfollow their feed.  You roll your eyes at their #hashtags of awesomeness.  You look for a way to find a crack in the armor, some dirt amongst the brilliance.

And you will find it....in articles like This is why you shouldn't take people's Facebook lives seriously which lets you and the world in on the secret that some people don't post the bad crap going on in their lives.  This blog writer consoles you by letting you know: "Everyone on Facebook looks like they're having a great time. Fun adventures, deep romances, amazing jobs. It's enough to make you feel inadequate, but it's also a lie. Nobody is really as happy as their Facebook wall claims..."

No shit, Captain Obvious.

In fact, I bet your ex did find a new hot girlfriend and that new hot girlfriend has psoriasis.  Is he going to let you and the mass media know that her scalp is flaky?  Is he going to do the just and honest thing and point out her flaws so you can feel a little bit better about yourself?  No, he probably isn't.  He's going to be a TOTAL douche and only post about his adoration for the good he sees in her.

Your best friend that is out without you is most likely not going to alert the world that she went home with a stranger that never texted her back after they hooked up.  Is she going to post about her inner insecurities and how she feels no one will ever see her true beauty?  Is she going to metaphorically slit her wrists and bleed out her deepest pain for her 1,685 "friends" on Facebook, so that they can understand her nightly partying helps her hide her loneliness, so you won't feel so lonely?  Probably not. 

Your sister bought a new car, is going on a 10-day vacation and is neck deep in Louboutins.  She makes more money in a month, than you do in 4 months and it has clearly bought her happiness.  Do you want to see how much caffeine she takes to make it through another grueling 80 hour work week?  And how that constant supply of buzz-inducing liquid has given her a stomach ulcer, not to mention constant diarrhea? Would you like to see her post how soul crushing it feels to barely see her kids, just so you can feel like money isn't everything?

People have lives.  Complete, complicated, dysfunctional lives.  And if you want to truly know how someone is doing, try calling them.  And if they aren't someone you would call and check up on, then why does their online media affect you?

You know what I REALLY can't stand is when someone uses a Facebook status to garner attention, self pity and becomes simply that bummer of a "friend" who it pains you to follow (*quietly unfollows the feed*).  Cause you know what? I enjoy a stream of cuddly puppies, finished racing medals and people finding success, happiness and love.  I have enough worries, bummers, and enough bad shit that simply happens in my life....which I won't be posting about.

Oh...one last thought....if you need to "take a break from Facebook"....I need you to do three things:
#1. Place your computer in the street
#2. Drive over it
#3. Go find your misplaced grasp on reality and what actually matters

Walk Away.....

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!

It is March 17th.  And to me, this is a big milestone.  It marks the one year anniversary of my last day working in nightlife.

Early 2013, started with a lot of drama and stress culminating from a series of bad, reckless decisions.  I was in over my head and trying to go about my day as if everything was alright.  Instead of acknowledging that I was part of a duplicitous side-business, my ex was threatening my life and I had to miss a day of work, so I could install security cameras in my apartment.

I was scared and I was mad and I felt trapped.  So trapped.  I spoke with a friend and he said two magical words, "Walk away."  If you are around dangerous people and involved in a situation you no longer feel safe within, you can walk away.  Just peace out.  You do not owe people your life or your sanity.

I don't?

No, I don't.  And I made two phone calls and walked away from promises, from people and from a heap of anxiety. 

Once I made that choice, I realized that I truly wanted a path of wholeness, of being appreciated and a serious decrease in the drama swirling about me.

A huge factor of the drama was working for nightlife.  I had a boss who had a major drug problem, who I'd caught stealing twice and who tried to switch me to other venues.  He also tried to block clients from using hosts, would lie about sales totals to minimize commissions on big sales and was basically a greedy drug addict who felt he could get away with murder.  Having corporate know he was stealing, sleeping through shifts, dumping work on other managers and treating people according to the size of their bar tab and it not affecting his job security one bit, maybe his feelings of indestructibility had merit.  Along with him, I had a co-worker who would binge on drugs and alcohol and the mood swings from that were nearly unbearable.

The amount of lying, stealing, cheating and an all over failure to deliver a level of customer service that was equitable to the loyalty of our clientele, had me completely appalled.  I stayed because I loved what our venue brought and the happiness I derived from giving my clients their best memories of birthday parties, sporting events and corporate success parties.  However, giving others happiness tends to fall short as the company you work for denies proper compensation for your effort, your input and the proper credit for giving your all to others.

My last day, my manager did not announce my departure or arrange any type of well-wishes.  I had given two years of service and he didn't even bother mentioning me in the pre-shift.  And when an email was sent from my supervisor, including management, to prompt an acknowledgment and a possible thank you...it went neglected.

I walked away.  And I was so angry that it meant nothing to them.  So angry and bitter that I wasn't valued.  After a year has gone by, I can see that I was never valued.  I was merely a vessel that could be put in one place or another and use my endearing nature to squeeze money from clients and build a fortune for a company who could replace me in a heartbeat. 

It was one of the worst "relationships" in my life.  One filled with lies, cheating, theft and alcohol and drug abuse that I had to suffer through.

And like any bad relationship....you can choose to walk away.

And when you value yourself more than the ego that comes with your phone blowing up and red ropes being lifted for you...when your sanity and self esteem are priorities above having your own table and a bottle of low-level booze, walking away can include a skip, a hop and a jump into a better lifestyle.

A year later, I am getting married in 27 days.  I can easily be away from my phone for hours on end.  I haven't been to a club in a year....and I'm experiencing life, love and a brighter future.

Walk away from what's dragging you down, to free yourself to walk into something that lifts you up.