I Like Thinking You Might be Miserable

Your ex found a new girlfriend...and she's hot

 

Your best friend is out on a night you are home....and having the time of her life.

 

 

Your sister makes more money than you...and has a great family.

 

And they are posting online ALL about it.  Big smiles!  Victory declared!  "Best-day-ever!" seems to be every day.  And you feel jealous, annoyed, disappointed that your life isn't as glittery and glamorous as their instagram/Twitter/Facebook feed suggest.  You block them.  You unfollow their feed.  You roll your eyes at their #hashtags of awesomeness.  You look for a way to find a crack in the armor, some dirt amongst the brilliance.

And you will find it....in articles like This is why you shouldn't take people's Facebook lives seriously which lets you and the world in on the secret that some people don't post the bad crap going on in their lives.  This blog writer consoles you by letting you know: "Everyone on Facebook looks like they're having a great time. Fun adventures, deep romances, amazing jobs. It's enough to make you feel inadequate, but it's also a lie. Nobody is really as happy as their Facebook wall claims..."

No shit, Captain Obvious.

In fact, I bet your ex did find a new hot girlfriend and that new hot girlfriend has psoriasis.  Is he going to let you and the mass media know that her scalp is flaky?  Is he going to do the just and honest thing and point out her flaws so you can feel a little bit better about yourself?  No, he probably isn't.  He's going to be a TOTAL douche and only post about his adoration for the good he sees in her.

Your best friend that is out without you is most likely not going to alert the world that she went home with a stranger that never texted her back after they hooked up.  Is she going to post about her inner insecurities and how she feels no one will ever see her true beauty?  Is she going to metaphorically slit her wrists and bleed out her deepest pain for her 1,685 "friends" on Facebook, so that they can understand her nightly partying helps her hide her loneliness, so you won't feel so lonely?  Probably not. 

Your sister bought a new car, is going on a 10-day vacation and is neck deep in Louboutins.  She makes more money in a month, than you do in 4 months and it has clearly bought her happiness.  Do you want to see how much caffeine she takes to make it through another grueling 80 hour work week?  And how that constant supply of buzz-inducing liquid has given her a stomach ulcer, not to mention constant diarrhea? Would you like to see her post how soul crushing it feels to barely see her kids, just so you can feel like money isn't everything?

People have lives.  Complete, complicated, dysfunctional lives.  And if you want to truly know how someone is doing, try calling them.  And if they aren't someone you would call and check up on, then why does their online media affect you?

You know what I REALLY can't stand is when someone uses a Facebook status to garner attention, self pity and becomes simply that bummer of a "friend" who it pains you to follow (*quietly unfollows the feed*).  Cause you know what? I enjoy a stream of cuddly puppies, finished racing medals and people finding success, happiness and love.  I have enough worries, bummers, and enough bad shit that simply happens in my life....which I won't be posting about.

Oh...one last thought....if you need to "take a break from Facebook"....I need you to do three things:
#1. Place your computer in the street
#2. Drive over it
#3. Go find your misplaced grasp on reality and what actually matters

The Age of Passive Aggressive Dating

I'll admit it. I've totally done this.

I was dating a guy and he wasn't texting me back or returning my calls.  It had been 2 days and no sign of him.  So I told him off.....through Twitter.

"Different day same shit, ain't nothing good in the hood."
I'd run away from this bitch and never come back if I could."

My method of communication annihilation: rap lyrics.  Oh, if I was mad, I would tweet aggressive rap lyrics....passive aggressively.  And once I hit the send button, I felt elated.  I felt powerful.  I totally said what I wanted.  Once that doucher opened his twitter and saw my latest post, he would be shamed.  SHAMED!!!  He would know what a beast I am.  And that makes me a winner.

Many years later...and dozens of rap tweets past...I am quite aware that those quotes from The Game did not make me a winner.  In fact, looking back, I'm not even sure what I was attempting to express.  While posting it gave me a bit of self-gratification, what it did not do was communicate on any level nor make any suitor behave better.

I'm now in a wonderful relationship.  And when I'm upset with my guy, I sit him down and we talk about it.  It gets resolved.  Communication happens.

Adults should not be relying on texts to resolve an issue or on a tweet to express how wrong someone behaved.  I can accept that from a 16 year old, who is bumbling her way through her first boyfriend.  I will even pardon my post-divorce self, as I was re-entering the dating world. 

But at some point, possibly the point where you own a car, you should be able to own a conversation.  You have to relinquish the twitter and the instagram and grab onto the talk. 

And if a guy, or a girl for that matter, is not making themselves available to talk, the biggest response you can have is to move on.  If you truly don't have time for losers, you don't take the time to post a passive aggressive meme about it, you simply walk away.  Actions speak louder than pixelated words.