That's a Y.P. not a M.P.

So I ordered a Mother-of-the-Bride gift back on March 11th.  The notes on the store said that it could take 9-12 business days before it ships out.  Plenty of time, right?

Yesterday, April rolled on in and I realized that I had never received notice of this gift shipping.  We are exactly 15 business days past the order date and no update.  I log onto my Etsy account and see that the item has indeed not shipped.  So I reached out to the Etsy shop called JBExclusives and write:

"Hi, I read the approx shipping time, and all of your notes, and ordered March 11th. It is 3 weeks later and this item has yet to ship.
Do you have any idea if it may possibly ship prior to the end of this week?
This is intended as a Mother of the Bride gift for my mother at my wedding in 2 weeks.
If you do not think you can handle an order for a gift, one month prior to its necessity, I'd appreciate a refund and a possible notice of it taking over a month to receive your orders within your shop."

Yes, I just re-read this and I do realize that it's abrupt.  I recognize it.  I'm already in disgruntled mode, simply reeking of it.

JBExclusives responds:

Hello,
 Thanks for contacting me. All 3/11 orders' approximate estimated ship date is 3/27. Your order will ship on 16th business days (4/2) at this moment. My apologies for the slight delay due to bridal peak season. I run 3 high volume shops on Etsy and can only provide approx. Ship date on all orders since it depends on daily order volume. I am working my full capacity while having a 15 month old baby that needs my attention. I am happy to cancel you order and offer the refund.
Thanks,
Jen

Ok, Jen, let me tell you what my immediate, doubly disgruntled self would like to say to you....

That's a Y.P., not a M.P.

Your Problem, not My Problem. 

You took my money, willingly, ably and under the guise of being able to complete this order, through your countless repetitive notes on your shop of how it takes 9-12 business days to ship.  I do not care that you have three burgeoning shops.  I do not care that you have a 15 month old.  What I care about is that you have my money and I have no gift for my mom.  Your inability to manage your time, your business and your family are your problems.  They are not my problems.  Maybe you need to do a little work on your time management.  Or maybe you should close down a few shops while you adjust to the strains of motherhood.  But whatever you do, it shouldn't involve my money, my time or my gift to my mom. 

Yes, Jen, you may cancel that order, which I assure you that you never started nor intended to start any time soon.

JBExclusives canceled that order and I had a refund within 6 hours.  THAT aspect the shop owner had on lock-down.

I then found an even better gift from a lovely store called KahiliCreations which has a delightful necklace containing a small section of the map of Princeville, Kauai, which is where we are getting married.  Perfect. 

I ordered it yesterday.  It shipped priority today.  That's good business right there!

I. Hate. My. Dress.

When you are plodding along and checking off the items on your Wedding To-Do List, one of the first things that a bride does is finalize THE dress. 

And I did that.

Back in mid-December, I took a few of my girlies over to Pebbles Bridal.  I let them pick all kinds of gowns for me, just to be silly.  Then I stuck to looking over more casual dresses in the bridesmaid section.  I'm getting married on a beach lawn, so I didn't want a prom-bomb or anything over embellished.  Several dresses were workable, then I tried on this construction cone orange dress, which aside from the color, looked like it met all of the requirements.  I declared us DONE! Checked the item off of my to-do list and moved on to the next line item.

Note, I am a very decisive person and I love a well-made and executed To-Do list.

My dress came in last week.  I was so excited to go pick it up.  I went Saturday afternoon, with my bridal lingerie in tow, so I could try on the entire ensemble.  The sales woman gave me a dressing room and my gown.  Everything fit ok, but I still felt it was a bit tight in the hips.  I walked out of the dressing room to look in the mirror.....at the same time a girl had brought a 12-person entourage to the same mirror to watch her be fit in a gown.  So as soon as I walked out, a dozen heads swiveled around and I heard several "Oooohs" and "Aaaahhhhs."  I was a bit overwhelmed at the hub-bub, smiled and then returned to my dressing room to disrobe.

I left with my dress, still unsure what it looked like, but I definitely opted to buy some Spanx to help with that tight-in-the-hips feel.

Almost 37 years old and I bought my first pair of Spanx.  They are like a boa constrictor and a pair of panty hose mated and had an ugly step-child. 

Once the Spanx arrived, I locked myself in the back of the house and once again assembled everything.  I went over to the mirror and tried to like it.  I amped myself up to like it.  But it just wasn't there.  When I first tried it on in the eclectic, distracting orange, it was great!  It was fun!  I even said, "But who would want this in orange?!"  However, it was exactly that trait that made the dress work.  In white, it was limp, cheap looking and there was no bright color to distract from the fact that the darts weren't in the right place for someone my height.  The whole reason it felt tight through the hips was the misplacement of the darts.  I would spend my wedding and reception trying to tug it in place all day.

I felt uncomfortable, under dressed.....and just not bride-like and beautiful.

That moment of honesty hit me like a brick.  I. Hate. My. Dress.

Then the brick melted into and ice cold wash of anxiety as I accepted that I am getting married in 18 days...and I don't have THE dress.  I have A dress.  But not THE dress.

I put everything back on the hanger and in their proper bags.  My sweats went back on and I walked out into the living room.  I picked up the computer and started looking at every wedding dress I could find online.

Jesse looked at me and asked what I was doing.  I waved him off and said that I was just doing "something" and he didn't need to concern himself.  After my "something" took up over an hour of my undivided attention, Jesse started to question me again.  He knew something was quite off.

I looked up at him and meekly stated, "I hate my dress."

His face just fell.  The same brick hit him.  He was immediately empathetic and wanted me to talk about it and not "shut him out."

My response was that I wasn't shutting him out, I was just not going to talk about it or I would go absolutely bezerk and possibly start crying.  In lieu of such activity, I decided to start searching online to see if there was anything I could rush order overnight.  I prefer to find solutions over having a hysterical moment.

After I confessed the horrible truth to him, I was able to Facebook one girlfriend, who works in fashion and went to the fitting with me.  She didn't write back, but called me immediately. Her first words, "Are you o-k?"

I assured her that I was not in full blown panic, but I don't love my dress.  She offered to come over to look at it, to see if it was just me being silly, whatever.  I responded that I knew this wasn't the one.  I didn't feel special.  I didn't feel beautiful.  I didn't feel it was right for my day.  I also let her know I was rush ordering items to my office and if that didn't work out, I might need her to ride sidekick for a whole bride-zilla dress shopping extravaganza.

I felt good about being honest.  I felt good about not trying to make the dress work.  I did not feel good about having nothing to wear to my wedding. 

I found two dresses and paid rush delivery.  They came in today.  I went to a loft we own upstairs with two of my coworkers who could help me pull them on.  We have a space, which has big mirrors and great natural lighting.

Both dresses looked better that the one I have deemed "unworkable."  And one looks perfectly heavenly.  The color works with my skin tone.  It's elegant, understated, simple, and it's THE dress.

Crisis averted.  I don't have to get married in my skivvies or a burlap sack.

What makes you think it will work this time?

My guy and I went out of town to Santa Barbara a couple of weekends ago.  One of the highlights of our trip wasn't a planned excursion.  We were both hungry and driving in circles, not really knowing what restaurants were near us.  We happened upon a small eatery with several tables outside and warming lamps.

Tre Lune.

I was in my converse high-tops and a fleece sweatshirt.  The entire crowd was dressed Santa Barbara casual....which is fancier than your normal casual.  I felt so underdressed and uncomfortable.  But being hungry over shadowed being properly attired.  I was positive the hostess was trying to find a way to hide us at the back bar, when miraculously a front table opened up. My fleece sweater was first and foremost the thing that each new diner was able to see.

And I'm sure my fleece sweater and converse made a huge impression on Carol Burnett, who was sitting at the table to our right.  I did my best to not loudly hum songs from Annie or the theme song to The Carol Burnett Show.

But the presence of a great female comedian/performer was not the moment that makes me smile.

To our left was another older couple.  The gentleman leaned over and said to Jesse, "You seem like a nice, polite young man and yet these tattoos you have speak of a much harsher experience.  Would you mind telling me their story?"

Jesse opened up and explained how his tattoos evolved from a poorly chosen wedding band tattoo and how they had grown from that one mistake into a beautiful and strong piece of body art, that is still in the creation process.  The couple were enamored by the story and we ended up conversing through the whole meal.

We found out that the husband of the couple was none other than, Mark Singer, the inventor of Gorilla Glue and that he sold his company several years ago.  He now gets to focus on his love of designing and building modern wood furniture.  You can see his story with Giati Furniture here: http://www.giati.com/about-giati/designer.php

Our quickly approaching marriage became a subject of conversation.  Mark asked Jesse and me, "What makes you think it will work this time?"  And I chose to respond with, "Well, we have both failed at marriage before.  We know what makes it not work and what is truly important to making it work."

Mark asked what I felt had made my marriage not work.  And I explained that I worried more about other people's happiness than my own.  I said, "I didn't speak my mind about how I truly felt.  I shoved it down, in an effort to be pleasing and perfect....and 7 years later, when I am in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer and wishing that I could change it all, I saw just how much damage my reluctance to be honest had taken." 

My first marriage was to a person who took full advantage of my people-pleasing personality and there was no honesty between us  At the end, there was just his expectations and me submissively fulfilling them.  Anger, resentment and self-loathing had taken center stage in our marriage, which led him to infidelity and our final separation.

I further went on to explain that Jesse had shown me that he could love me, knowing my story, knowing my pitfalls, my failures, my experiences...the lump sum that equates my existence....he knows and he loves, whether he understands or not.  He loves me.  And we are moving in the same direction, towards the same goals in life, family and work.  I have a partner, not a boss.  We are complimentary towards each other.  And that relationship, with continual work, honest communication and trust, equals success.  I have no doubt.

It was that moment, which makes me smile and makes my stomach flutter.  I have no doubt that I know this is the romance and the love I was meant for....this is the love that people wish and pray for.  And I'm worth receiving it.  I had to live out my life to get to a point where I could be ok with being loved, truly.

And this is it.

What Are You Going to do After the Wedding? ...huh.

Being wedding-obsessed is somewhat fun.  Colors, flowers, musicians, food, planning, planning, planning....it's a good time for a creative person with too much creativity inside and nowhere to put it.  It's been thrilling.  It is my pièce de résistance. 

I wake up and have a purpose.  Today I need to pick a cake flavor.  Tomorrow I really need to make a flower choice.  By next week, we should really have that itinerary, itenerized.  Every day there is a new challenge for my bridal-mind.  I mean, I had a mini-celebration when I finally found the right nail color this week.  If you heard people shouting in the streets or any celebrations nearby, it was most likely due to the success of the perfect manicure.

One of my coworkers asked me this week: "What will you do once the wedding is over?"

I laughed it off and replied, "Oh, just go back to being peaceful and quiet. Duuuhhhh."

Inside, there was screaming, a panic attack.  Holy crap! At some point, this wedding shin-dig will be complete.  I'll be all married and my art, my purpose, my sole driving focus will have reached the pinnacle.  I will have crested and then comes the plummet....face-plant into life.

I see why so many women go into baby-making mode right after a wedding.  That's a sure-fire way to ensure a life long project of raising a child and having a purpose gnawing at you every day. I'm not going into that mode.....just yet.  We do want kids, but I'd still like to selfishly enjoy my hubby, just the two of us, for a little while longer, uninterrupted. 

Where this line of thought has taken me to is that I love having a font of creativity.  This continual drive to focus, plan, divine into being, has been a breath of fresh air.  I like having something to do.  A sweet little project which keeps me humming about and feeling useful is nice.  I get so caught up in work and the daily grind that I end up putting all of my energy into earning a paycheck and paying my bills, that my artistic side withers and wastes away...forgotten.

I'm going to relish this planning time and my all-encompassing need to plan and be involved in creating my dream wedding to my favorite human.

But all of my friends and family ....beware.  Once I'm all married and back in LA as Mrs. Vital, I will be looking for personal projects and you might just get dragged in.