Not a Place for a Selfie

When I receive submissions for a job posting that I placed, I am not a fan of an applicant throwing in a headshot.  Unless looks are something required for the position, I do not need to see that the applicant once sought to be an actor and has a commercial headshot that now serves to land them administrative positions.  Because, honestly, that's EXACTLY what I think when there is an attached headshot.  In fact, I am often hesitant to call a person in for an interview who attaches a headshot because I assume they are still chasing the dream and will bail on a stable job for that chance to be a featured extra on a deferred-pay reality show.

Today....I was privy to an all time low. A selfie, attached to a resume and cover letter.

In this selfie-obsessed generation, we have songs about it "Let me Take a Selfie," a new abc comedy show called "Selfie" and I'm fairly positive that if you own a smartphone, you've taken a selfie.

I am not among the throng of selfie-haters....being that I can't drum up enough energy to care about how often a selfie is taken or posted or why.

HOWEVER, there is a time....a place.....a situation....

What is NOT appropriate is to apply for an office job at a agency and attach a selfie.

It wasn't just ANY selfie.  No, no.  It was a bathroom selfie, complete with, as my associate calls it, the asshole-face.  You can SEE the metal stall behind her!!!

 

 

The farthest this selfie got this applicant was to be blasted on my blog. 

 

As 20-year olds say these days.....I just...can't.

 

 

PS.....if you type "References upon request," I assume 1 of 2 things:

#1.  You have absolutely no friends, co-workers or cousins, twice-removed, who would speak favorably of you.

#2.  You are too lazy to perform a simple task.

 

READ: If you are currently job searching

I am currently dealing with incoming resumes for a position at my company and I am APPALLED at the way resumes are handed in now. 

They literally email over two attachments (their resume and cover letter), nothing written in the body of the email.

My opinion is as follows: if you cannot manage to cut-n-paste your cover letter into the body of your email, then I cannot manage to consider you.  This initial act of laziness, lack of communication and lack of respect towards a person in a hiring position shows your disregard for work ethic, at a glance.

Level up, people.  This is so pathetic.

Here is a snippet of what I get to read through:
"I have experience for what you need. I have been doing customer service over the phone. At one company I was one of eight given an award for helping to grow that company. I work in the entertainment industry, and I have a reliable  car. Also, I'm good with people."

*GAG* The lack of transitional skills from one line of thought to the next pains my writer's soul.

Frankly, if you can compose two three lines of text that show some semblance of cognitive thinking, you are head and shoulders above today's job submissions.

I Like Thinking You Might be Miserable

Your ex found a new girlfriend...and she's hot

 

Your best friend is out on a night you are home....and having the time of her life.

 

 

Your sister makes more money than you...and has a great family.

 

And they are posting online ALL about it.  Big smiles!  Victory declared!  "Best-day-ever!" seems to be every day.  And you feel jealous, annoyed, disappointed that your life isn't as glittery and glamorous as their instagram/Twitter/Facebook feed suggest.  You block them.  You unfollow their feed.  You roll your eyes at their #hashtags of awesomeness.  You look for a way to find a crack in the armor, some dirt amongst the brilliance.

And you will find it....in articles like This is why you shouldn't take people's Facebook lives seriously which lets you and the world in on the secret that some people don't post the bad crap going on in their lives.  This blog writer consoles you by letting you know: "Everyone on Facebook looks like they're having a great time. Fun adventures, deep romances, amazing jobs. It's enough to make you feel inadequate, but it's also a lie. Nobody is really as happy as their Facebook wall claims..."

No shit, Captain Obvious.

In fact, I bet your ex did find a new hot girlfriend and that new hot girlfriend has psoriasis.  Is he going to let you and the mass media know that her scalp is flaky?  Is he going to do the just and honest thing and point out her flaws so you can feel a little bit better about yourself?  No, he probably isn't.  He's going to be a TOTAL douche and only post about his adoration for the good he sees in her.

Your best friend that is out without you is most likely not going to alert the world that she went home with a stranger that never texted her back after they hooked up.  Is she going to post about her inner insecurities and how she feels no one will ever see her true beauty?  Is she going to metaphorically slit her wrists and bleed out her deepest pain for her 1,685 "friends" on Facebook, so that they can understand her nightly partying helps her hide her loneliness, so you won't feel so lonely?  Probably not. 

Your sister bought a new car, is going on a 10-day vacation and is neck deep in Louboutins.  She makes more money in a month, than you do in 4 months and it has clearly bought her happiness.  Do you want to see how much caffeine she takes to make it through another grueling 80 hour work week?  And how that constant supply of buzz-inducing liquid has given her a stomach ulcer, not to mention constant diarrhea? Would you like to see her post how soul crushing it feels to barely see her kids, just so you can feel like money isn't everything?

People have lives.  Complete, complicated, dysfunctional lives.  And if you want to truly know how someone is doing, try calling them.  And if they aren't someone you would call and check up on, then why does their online media affect you?

You know what I REALLY can't stand is when someone uses a Facebook status to garner attention, self pity and becomes simply that bummer of a "friend" who it pains you to follow (*quietly unfollows the feed*).  Cause you know what? I enjoy a stream of cuddly puppies, finished racing medals and people finding success, happiness and love.  I have enough worries, bummers, and enough bad shit that simply happens in my life....which I won't be posting about.

Oh...one last thought....if you need to "take a break from Facebook"....I need you to do three things:
#1. Place your computer in the street
#2. Drive over it
#3. Go find your misplaced grasp on reality and what actually matters

The Schmuck

The general meaning of schmuck is a fool or idiot.  That's not what I'm inferring when I call myself or someone else a schmuck.  It's my way of saying, "You're someone who gives beyond what is right, just and healthy for your own existence."  In the Penny Vital Dictionary of Awesome Words, the abridged version, a schmuck is someone who gives of themselves foolishly, whole heartedly and with abandonment.  Sounds lovely, right?

Not always.

More often than not, a schmuck attracts a sponge.  A sponge is someone who soaks up the love, the gifts and the adoration from the schmuck and gets fluffier, fatter, fuller....without truly returning the favor. A sponge isn't necessarily corrupt in their essence nor taking these sacrifices with ill-intent, but is more or less ignorant of just how much it might be costing the schmuck to give it.  Whether that ignorance is feigned or genuine, that depends on the sponge.

As a former schmuck, I dated a lot of sponges in my life.  They reveled in how much I gave, contributed and sacrificed....all in the name of love and wanting to be loved.  And when it was over, I was in debt, full of resentment and feeling like I had been robbed.  However, everything that they had taken, I had freely gifted.

Over the course of my life, I have become to understand that resentment is a metaphorical destination and it takes your willingness to place yourself within its confines.  So I usually reroute myself these days.  I just go around or avoid it altogether.  When I give of myself, I proceed with a healthy measure of caution and discretion.

I no longer date or interact with sponges.  In fact, I married a schmuck.  He is the most loving, giving, self-sacrificing person I have ever met.  And the greatest way I can love him back is to limit his giving.  I don't need him to pay my bills.  I have my own job.  I don't need him to buy me expensive things or trips.  I pay for my stuff and I can pay my way.  My husband can love me in so many more ways without me depleting his funds or starting a precedence that my happiness relies on what or how much he gives me.  It's not his job to make my life easy or happy.  It's just his job to love me and be my best friend.

This train of thought stemmed from a Huffington Post article I read this week, titled Three Pieces Of Marriage Advice You Should Actually Listen To, by Michael Griswold.  Within the article comes this excerpt:

Marriage takes sacrifice: Saying that marriage takes sacrifice isn't exactly "stop the presses, breaking news"; most people are aware of this. But, what they might not be aware of is that both parties should sacrifice as equally as possible. Sacrificing in marriage isn't the problem — most things in life take sacrifice. But, when one partner sacrifices as often as a pitcher bunting with a runner on first and the other partner sacrifices almost never, you run into problems. This isn't to say there needs to be a tally (one sacrifice for me, one for you), but it should be as fair as possible. Good marriage relationship advice is to be cognizant of who is sacrificing more (or making the bigger sacrifices) and put forth an effort to even things out.

In essence, a necessary sacrifice is an ok thing as long as it's not an everyday thing.  And if you are dating a schmuck, know when to say no and have them scale back....it's the greatest way you can express your profound love for them.

 

Who knew?

 

Well, if you actually know me, you knew.

 

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Click the banner and jump in to gooey goodness!

 

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I appreciate all of the love and support!

-Penny Vital

Weaning off the Wedding

I was warned that after the wedding bells tolled, I would be left a bit forlorn.  That there would be this feeling of "Wedding Blues."  That this would be a time where I would want to fill that void with a bundle of joy.  I was warned that I would be rushing from the alter to a fertility specialist.

Let's insert Africa here.

AFRICA.

So, I thought about the whole having a baby thing.  And yes, the hubs and I are both wanting a family.  But.....I need to fulfill a travel void first.  Before I begin to plump up and waddle, in expectant joy, I want to take a trip.  Not just any trip, but a trip I would not do with a belly full of baby or with small children.

Some people want to go to France or Italy, maybe Spain, New Zealand or Australia.  I've had my Facebook feed flooded with vacation photos from Bali, Thailand and tropical islands.  And, yes, these places are fantastic!  But I could totally swing any of them with a family in tow. 

I'm not so sure I'd be so keen to let my little ones traverse through malaria riddled lands full of predators.  But for ME, that sounds AWESOME!!!.

I've decided I want to head to Africa for Christmas vacation with the husband.  We've decided.  WE.  I honestly didn't have to twist Jesse's arm too hard to get him to be on board with the trip. 

I've always loved the idea of Africa and the wildness of the land.  After watching "Long Way Down," (a television series documenting a motorcycle journey undertaken by Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman, on which they rode south through 18 countries from John o' Groats in Scotland to Cape Town in South Africa via Europe and Africa in 2007) I had a reinvested interest in Africa, the people, the wildlife and the experience of increasing my scope of the world past LA, past Texas, past the USA and into a remote wilderness.

I have been devouring books about the travel style, cultural heritage, vegetation, wildlife, etiquette of several of Africa's countries.  I've narrowed it down to Kenya and Rwanda as my top two picks for the travel itinerary. 

Kenya is so vast and beautiful.  The Maasai Mara is a top game range and the Maasai people captivate me.   I cannot wait to visit Giraffe Manor or the Elephant Orphanage.  I would also like to participate in http://www.stuffyourrucksack.com/ and see if there is some small way I could do something to help within the slums of Nairobi.

Rwanda has healed by leaps and bounds from a genocide that happened only 20 years ago.  A divided people who have begun to unite, to rebuild, and to rededicate themselves to the preservation of their land and wildlife. They have gorilla treks where you can look into the profound eyes of a mountain gorilla, unseen in any zoo because they do not survive captivity.

Just the thought gives me tingles up my spine.

So, after spending arduous hours and extensive brain power on planning and executing the details of my wedding in Kauai, I have begun to funnel that primed power into learning about Africa and just how I plan to get there.  In essence, this trip is my baby.....before I do that whole baby thing.

P.S.....so far my FAVE book I've read is called "Traveling Africa - A Woman's Guide" by Dana Atkinson.  Aside from providing experiences specifically about things a woman may need or come across, the author actually gives great anecdotes, a workable/affordable travel plan through Kruger National Park and simple advise that could pertain to anyone wishing to travel to Africa.  Female or male, if you are beginning to consider a trip to Africa....it's a good place to start.

That's a Y.P. not a M.P.

So I ordered a Mother-of-the-Bride gift back on March 11th.  The notes on the store said that it could take 9-12 business days before it ships out.  Plenty of time, right?

Yesterday, April rolled on in and I realized that I had never received notice of this gift shipping.  We are exactly 15 business days past the order date and no update.  I log onto my Etsy account and see that the item has indeed not shipped.  So I reached out to the Etsy shop called JBExclusives and write:

"Hi, I read the approx shipping time, and all of your notes, and ordered March 11th. It is 3 weeks later and this item has yet to ship.
Do you have any idea if it may possibly ship prior to the end of this week?
This is intended as a Mother of the Bride gift for my mother at my wedding in 2 weeks.
If you do not think you can handle an order for a gift, one month prior to its necessity, I'd appreciate a refund and a possible notice of it taking over a month to receive your orders within your shop."

Yes, I just re-read this and I do realize that it's abrupt.  I recognize it.  I'm already in disgruntled mode, simply reeking of it.

JBExclusives responds:

Hello,
 Thanks for contacting me. All 3/11 orders' approximate estimated ship date is 3/27. Your order will ship on 16th business days (4/2) at this moment. My apologies for the slight delay due to bridal peak season. I run 3 high volume shops on Etsy and can only provide approx. Ship date on all orders since it depends on daily order volume. I am working my full capacity while having a 15 month old baby that needs my attention. I am happy to cancel you order and offer the refund.
Thanks,
Jen

Ok, Jen, let me tell you what my immediate, doubly disgruntled self would like to say to you....

That's a Y.P., not a M.P.

Your Problem, not My Problem. 

You took my money, willingly, ably and under the guise of being able to complete this order, through your countless repetitive notes on your shop of how it takes 9-12 business days to ship.  I do not care that you have three burgeoning shops.  I do not care that you have a 15 month old.  What I care about is that you have my money and I have no gift for my mom.  Your inability to manage your time, your business and your family are your problems.  They are not my problems.  Maybe you need to do a little work on your time management.  Or maybe you should close down a few shops while you adjust to the strains of motherhood.  But whatever you do, it shouldn't involve my money, my time or my gift to my mom. 

Yes, Jen, you may cancel that order, which I assure you that you never started nor intended to start any time soon.

JBExclusives canceled that order and I had a refund within 6 hours.  THAT aspect the shop owner had on lock-down.

I then found an even better gift from a lovely store called KahiliCreations which has a delightful necklace containing a small section of the map of Princeville, Kauai, which is where we are getting married.  Perfect. 

I ordered it yesterday.  It shipped priority today.  That's good business right there!